Caving In To The Madness
by SugarRune
Summary: A collection of one-shots, drabbles, ficlets, etc., set in the world of Life With Derek. The latest story finds Derek and Casey deciding to give a relationship a try if only they could agree on the pesky little details...like sex and matching outfits!
1. Chapter 1: Caving In To The Madness

_Author's Note: Hi guys! I've had so many ideas swimming around lately that I thought it would be a good idea to start a collection of one-shots, drabbles, ficlets, etc that don't really stand alone so great yet don't really lend themselves to anything I'm currently working on. They'll all vary in length and topic and I doubt they'll have anything like a unifying theme. Some might be connected to each other or other fics I've written and if they are, I'll try to put it in the Author's note or give you guys a heads up in some way, shape or form. I also wanted to take the chance to thank everyone who's reviewed my stories. It really is very encouraging and I do appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you thought of it or if you enjoyed it or any other comments you might have had. Anyways, _Caving In To The Madness_ is actually based on a story I wrote for a creative writing class I took a couple years back. The original prompt I got was to write a story and convey it using only dialogue. Obviously I've done a lot of tweaking so it's not all dialogue and so that it fits the LwD universe. I have no idea what prompted me to think of that old story in the first place but once I thought of it, I just knew I wanted to write a LwD version of it. This story is actually the first fanfic I've written where it didn't center around Casey and Derek. Instead, it centers around Casey and Emily. Actually, I think it's pretty much centered around Emily, which was fun. So here's _Caving In To The Madness_, I hope you like it!_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek**

**Caving In To The Madness**

The incessant sound of Metro Station's "Shake It," signaling an incoming call, roused a reluctant Emily from sleep. She was hunched over her desk having fallen asleep while working on a creative writing assignment due Monday. She sent a quick prayer of thanks that she'd fallen asleep on a notebook rather than on her computer keyboard. She winced slightly at the memory of how long it had taken the indentations on her face to fade the last time that had happened.

Without opening an eye, she reached blindly in the general direction the music was coming from and sighed contentedly when the music abruptly stopped. She was halfway back to sleep when the music started up again. This time her hand managed to locate the phone and bring it to her exposed ear in time to answer the call.

"Hello?" she mumbled groggily.

"Okay so I know he's up to something," said the slightly muted voice of her best friend, Casey MacDonald.

"Huh?" The cobwebs of sleep were taking their sweet time clearing out, but only mostly because Emily wasn't quite ready to be rid of them.

"I said I know he's up to something," Casey repeated, her voice still carefully muted.

"Casey?" Em asked, recognition finally dawning on her.

"Yes, Casey. Who else would it be?" she answered impatiently. "Anyway, you've got to help me figure out what he's up to."

"Who's up to what?" In her half-sleep state, Emily found following a conversation with Casey even more difficult than it usually was.

"Em, focus! I just told you I didn't know what he was up to. But he's definitely up to something. I just need to figure out what."

"What time is it?" Emily groaned.

"Umm…it's a quarter past ten. See?" she told her triumphantly. "That's why I know he's up to something. He's never up this early on a Sunday."

"Casey, most people our age aren't up this early on a Sunday," Emily told her matter-of-factly.

"I'm up," she replied defensively.

"Sweetie, you aren't most people."

"Fine. But I know that jerk is up to something. Probably he's plotting something against me."

"Paranoid, are we?" Emily hoped she'd managed to keep the smile out of her voice.

"I'm not paranoid. History shows that he only ever shows some kind of work ethic when he's trying to get a date with a girl who shows any kind of judgment and actually spurns him initially or if he's plotting. And usually the target of his evil plotting is me."

"Are we talking about Derek?" Emily asked, already sorry she hadn't let the call go to voicemail. Not that it would have mattered. Casey would have just dialed the house phone and her mother, father or Dimi would have given her the phone anyway.

"Of course we're talking about Derek. Em are you even listening to me?"

"Trying not to," Em muttered before realizing she'd said it out loud. At that, she finally opened her eyes but chose to keep her head down for a moment longer.

"What?"

"Nothing," she replied. Letting out a yawn and doing a stretch before hunching back over and propping her head up with her free hand.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Em. Did I wake you up?" Casey stumbled out, realizing her mistake.

Half-asleep, Emily wasn't able to filter her words as well as was necessary and instead of saying, "Oh, of course not Casey," like she normally would have, she answered honestly with a, "Yeah."

"Oh my god, I'm such a horrible friend. I'm just terrible. I can't believe I didn't think to worry that you might have still been –"

"Casey, relax. It's fine," Em assured her.

"Are you sure?" she asked her nervously.

"Yeah, it's fine." Then, thinking to distract her from the topic and answer a question she realized she'd been wondering for a few minutes now, she asked her, "Case, why are you whispering?"

"Oh, that's simple. It's because I'm following him."

Sitting up straight and now fully awake, Emily demanded, "What?"

"I'm following him. I was rudely roused from sleep by his alarm clock at nine this morning. Naturally I became curious as to why _he_, of all people, would set his alarm clock for nine a.m. on a Sunday. So I peeked out and saw him run around trying to get ready without alerting everyone's attention to him. I quickly came to the conclusion that he was up to no good so I, of course, also quickly got dressed and borrowed mom's car so I could follow Derek and figure out what he's up to."

"Oh my god," Emily breathed, again not able to catch herself. She gave her head a quick shake to try and rid herself of the remaining cobwebs.

"What was that, Em?"

"Uh, nothing. Casey, please tell me you didn't really follow Derek."

"But Em, I can't just keep sitting back allowing him to prank me and make me miserable. If I did, it would practically be like me inviting him to. I'm not just going to react anymore," she whispered firmly. "I'm taking a stand."

"No, Casey," Emily told her, hoping she sounded supportive yet reasonable. "You're stalking."

"I am not," Casey rebutted, then realized she'd spoken a little too loudly. Emily heard some sounds of air whipping by and she figured Casey was looking around to see if she'd drawn attention to herself with her outburst.

_If she hadn't drawn the attention with her yelling_, Emily thought to herself, _she's drawing attention now_. She could practically picture the scene.

"I am not," Casey reiterated, this time back in her stage whisper voice.

"Casey, you're trailing around after him. I'm assuming he doesn't know?"

"Don't be silly, Em. Of course he doesn't know. If he knew, he'd try to stop me and then I wouldn't be able to figure out what he's planning."

"Casey, that's the definition of stalking," Em stressed, hoping she was talking some sense into her best friend.

"No it isn't. I'm following him," Casey asserted. Then for good measure she added,

"From a perfectly legal distance."

Emily sighed. She knew this was going to end badly but she had tried and no jury could find her guilty for accessory. "Fine, whatever," Em said in resignation. "Have you figured anything out yet?"

"Hold on a sec Em, I might have lost him." The line went silent temporarily as she imagined Casey was trying desperately to find the trail again. Realizing this was going to be a long conversation that would only require a few responses from her occasionally, Emily decided to get back to working on her assignment.

She was in the midst of booting up the computer when Casey's voice returned.

"I found him," she informed her.

"Did he see you?" Em asked as she quickly opened up the blank word document template.

"Good question," Casey told her. "No, I think I'm in the clear so far."

"Good job," she replied absently.

"Oh no!"

"Casey?" Em asked alarmed. There was some shuffling on the other end of the line before Casey spoke again.

"Sorry, I had to dive for cover."

"Casey, maybe there's another way. You could ask Edwin if he was up to something."

"Edwin?" she snorted. "He lives in fear of Derek."

"You could bribe him," Em suggested as she typed a few lines into the computer and scrutinized them.

"I could. But Derek would find out." Emily could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

"Derek _always_ finds out when Edwin betrays him. And then Edwin would just rat out that I found out and he'd add an additional phase to the plotting," Casey continued.

"What about a counter-plot?"

"Oh my gosh! That was close. He rounded a corner and almost saw me." She let out a long sigh of relief before continuing. "No, a counter-plot would only cause him to counter-counter plot. And we both know how that will end. I'm just not devious and evil enough to out-evil him."

"Okay, how about simply neutralizing it?"

"He out-siblings me. I could neutralize anything he does. Liz could neutralize anything he has Ed do. But I don't have anyone to neutralize Marti."

Emily waited for it.

"Unless…" Emily smiled to herself. There it was. The unspoken request move her best-friend did so well.

"Absolutely not. You cannot use Dimi," she told her, letting the smile be heard in her tone.

"Why not?" she pouted.

"One, Marti would eat Dimi alive and two, do you want my parents to forbid me from being your friend?"

"No," she reluctantly agreed. "Then I'd really have no friends."

"And with Sheldon gone, I would too."

"Okay, so neutralizing is out. See? Reconnaissance is really my only option. Me knowing the plan is the only way to know how to plan my next move."

"I suppose." Emily was still doubtful this would work.

A good ten minutes passed and Emily worked on her homework while Casey would fill her in on how the "following" was going.

"Miss, can I help you?" came the sound of an unknown female voice from Casey's end of the line.

"Uh…umm…no, I'm fine. Thank you….no really, I'm fine," was Casey's response to the stranger.

"Case? What's going on?"

"Oh sorry about that. Darn salesclerk almost gave me away," said Casey, clearly annoyed.

"Casey, where are you?"

"Some department store."

"You're stalking him in a department store?"

"Following," she corrected. "And yes. I'll admit I was surprised myself."

"Sweetie, it's been over half an hour and you still haven't found out anything."

"I know. Do you think he's on to me and is just messing with me?"

"Case, maybe he's just shopping?"

"Shopping? Derek?" she exclaimed in disbelief. "Oh crap!" There was suddenly a dull thud followed by some _swishing_ noises. Emily actually pulled the phone away from her ear to look at it before returning it to the crook of her neck, between her ear and her shoulder.

"What happened?" she asked her.

"I said his name too loud and he actually turned," Casey lamented. Or at least as best she could while still whispering. "I had to dive into a clothing rack to hide."

Emily was almost sad she wasn't there to see that. Then she reminded herself she wasn't supposed to enjoy her best friend's follies.

"Oh no, I'm going to lose him."

"Well, you know where you last saw him," Emily said encouragingly.

"Yeah but I don't know where he was heading. It seemed like he was –"

The sound of clothes being shoved aside reached Emily and interrupted Casey.

"Miss, are you sure you don't need any assistance?" came the voice from earlier.

"I'm fine. I just…umm...tripped. I tripped. I'm fine."

"Right," was the salesclerk's only response before Emily heard Casey push herself up and pat herself down.

"Are you alright, Case?"

"Embarrassed and mortified but yes, I'm fine."

"Casey, I think maybe it's time for you to –" She was cut off by the excited intake of breath from Casey.

"I see him! He's heading into a room. I'm going after him. Edwin is probably there. I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner. It's the rendezvous point," she concluded.

Emily didn't like the sound of it.

"Case, when you said department store earlier, did you mean clothing store?"

The whipping sounds ceased and Emily guess she'd paused to look around.

"Oh, you're right, Em," she said sounding as though realizing it for the first time. Knowing how focused Casey had been on stalking Derek, Emily didn't put it past her. Never mind that she'd taken cover in a rack of clothing. "It's a clothing store."

"And he's heading into a room?" Emily asked carefully.

"Yes, I'm actually almost there. He already went in."

"Casey, by any chance was he carrying anything with him?" _Like clothes?_ She added silently.

"Oh my gosh, he was probably carrying the supplies. I should have tried harder to see what it was. Good thinking, Em."

Emily had to a pause on working on her homework to hold her head in her hands before returning all her attention to her best friend, who unfortunately appeared hell bent on walking into another humiliating experience.

"Casey, think carefully. He's walking into a room in a clothing store." Emily sincerely hoped she wasn't too late.

"Oh my god," came Casey's harried whisper.

"Yes," said Emily in a much relieved voice, thinking she'd finally come to the conclusion Emily had.

"I'm in the fitting room area."

"Wait, you actually went in?" Emily was beyond shocked now.

"It's ingenious, really. I never would have thought to look for their rendezvous point in here. Obviously it's the men's dressing area so they never expected me to find them here."

"Casey, no. Sweetie, I need you to listen to me," Emily begged her.

"All the doors are open except one at the end." Emily realized Casey wasn't even listening anymore but as her friend she couldn't give up.

"Casey, seriously. Whatever you're thinking, I need you to unthink it."

"The stalls look pretty low, I bet I could stand on it and peek over to see what they're working on."

Emily heard the creak of a door and realized that Casey was actually going into one of the stalls.

"Oh god. Casey, girl! I think this obsession both you and Derek have of one-upping each other has finally driven you crazy."

"Em, hold on a sec. I just need to stand on my tiptoes and –"

"Casey!"

" –OH MY GOD HE'S –"

"Casey? Casey!" Emily called out over her friend's sudden yelling.

"Who'd have thought Space Case was a Peeping Tom." Emily's eyes bugged out as she recognized the calm, smug voice of none other than Derek Venturi followed quickly by the sound of what Emily could only assume was Casey dropping her cell phone before the line went dead.

* * *

Emily slowly pressed the 'end' button and put the phone down on her desk. She expected to be greeted with the upset Casey showing up in her room within the hour. That was unless of course Derek decided to dole out his own brand of punishment immediately after Casey snapped out of her shock. In which case, Emily expected her phone line to be tied up for hours later this evening.

Realizing that in either scenario it would be best for her to get done as much work as she could now, she decided to finish up the creative writing assignment she'd already started.

She quickly reread what she'd already written of the original story she'd based on her and Sheldon's relationship and realized she wasn't as happy with where the story was going as she'd have liked. She sighed and glumly wished her relationships were at least half as interesting as the stuff Casey dealt with daily. Suddenly a slow smile began to form on her lips as an idea occurred to her and she opened up a new blank template.

She decided they owed her. With the stuff Derek and Casey forced her to put up with, she figured the least they could do was provide her with a good story to tell come Monday. And so, with a smirk that would do Derek proud, Emily Davis began to type the story of a girl who moved into a new house in a new town, and started going to a new school where she clashes with a certain guy who always seems to have her caving in to the madness…of falling in love.

--

_So that's the end of _Caving In To The Madness_. I liked the title and thought it was a great kickoff and title piece for the collection. I hope you enjoyed it. Stay tuned for more and remember reviews are always welcome!_

_- SugarRune_


	2. Chapter 2: Coming To Terms

_Author's Note: So this is one of the stories where I swear it sounded different in my head than how it actually turned out. While I do like the story and hope you will too, I just wish I'd been able to translate it over better from idea to actual written work. I may eventually end up re-working it later on (and if I do, I'll let you guys know!) and reposting but for now, this is "Coming To Terms"_

**Disclaimer: Still not mine although I did try to engage in negoiations and I think those might be going well...**

**Coming To Terms**

To say the situation was awkward would be putting it mildly. In fact, to call it awkward would be the biggest understatement of the century to say the least. The situation was in fact terribly awkward. Horribly, horrendously, mind-bogglingly awkward.

For Casey MacDonald, it was the worst experience of her life. She shifted in her seat again and wondered if it was terrible that she was now considering praying for a swift and painless death. She was positive death had to have been better than this.

And she would have been perfectly content to avoid this conversation all together. And that had been the plan. After the first kiss. Heck, it was still the plan after the second and third kiss. After the fourth kiss "that didn't happen," she worried that maybe the plan wasn't working. And after the fifth and sixth, they both realized that maybe this was something that they needed to discuss. By the seventh kiss, they figured it was just a matter of time before one of them approached the topic. After the eighth kiss, they attempted one last try at the whole school of 'pretend it didn't happen.' When the ninth kiss happened, they realized a talk was inevitable. And now, here they were, ten kisses in the bag.

Keeping her body rigidly straight and her head pointedly facing to the right, she let out a conspicuous clearing of her throat to let her companion know that she believed he should be the one to start the conversation.

She waited a minute, then five minutes. At ten minutes, they were still sitting awkwardly, waiting for someone to speak.

"Der-ek," she hissed, finally growing impatient.

"What?"

"Say something," she demanded.

"Something," he drawled insolently. She twisted her head to glare at him.

"Oh real mature Derek."

"What do you want me to say?" he demanded from the other end of the couch.

"I don't know. Something. Anything. But sitting here not talking isn't going to fix this."

"Well, you're in a chatty mood, why don't you talk?"

"Because you started this," she argued, turning her body to be more comfortable.

"I started this?" he demanded, swiveling around so they were now facing each other.

"Yes, you started this."

"Princess, if anyone started this it was you," he accused.

"Me? You made the first move," she countered.

"I made the first move? Since when?"

"Since you kissed me first." Her eyes had narrowed and her breathing ragged from rage.

"Oh please. You so kissed me first." He smirked at her outrage. "And really, who can blame you?"

"Were you dropped on your head as a baby? Why on earth would I kiss you first?"

"Case, I don't blame you. You did what thousands of women out there can only hope to do."

"If you were trying to make me vomit in my own mouth, you succeeded," Casey informed him with a tight smile.

"Oh good, then I finally paid you back for making me barf when you kissed me."

"Derek, I can assure you that only in your dreams did I kiss you. And in this reality, only the threat of death could make me even remotely consider the possibility. And it would have to be a truly horrific death to even sway me that way."

"Case, your words flatter me," Derek replied sarcastically.

"Only because you're an idiot."

They stared heatedly at each other, finally out of insults. They immediately deflated and returned to the awkward silent waiting game. Casey finally caved.

"Sitting here is getting us nowhere," she said.

"Well, Princess, what do you propose we do?"

"Well, Der-ek, we should just start talking."

"So talk," he said offhandedly. Casey glared at him.

"I hate you," she told him honestly.

"And I hate you too."

"Good, so we've established that."

"Guess we have." She looked at him expectantly but he simply avoided her gaze and remained silent.

"Derek, don't you have anything to say?"

"Didn't we just establish the whole mutual hate?" When he was younger, he had nightmares of a vortex opening up in the middle of the floor and swallowing him into some hell dimension. His mom and dad had quickly reassured him that it was just a bad dream and that vortexes to hell dimensions didn't exist. Looking at Casey and thinking about where this conversation was heading, he sincerely hoped his parents had been lying to him.

"Yeah well, given the numerous…pieces of evidence to the contrary, I'm thinking there's probably a little more to it than that."

"Case, just cuz I swapped spit with you, doesn't mean I don't hate you," he clarified.

"Swapped spit? Wow, Derek, that was just so romantic." Her voice positively dripped with sarcasm.

"Yeah, well, I try," he said, leaning back against the couch and smirking at her. Casey twisted her mouth in distaste.

"This is such a waste of time. I'm going to go wash my mouth out with mouthwash until I can't feel the insides of my cheeks anymore." She angrily flipped her hair at Derek and stormed into the bathroom.

* * *

An hour later, Casey found herself dressed in PJ short bottoms and a baby tee with her knees drawn up to her chest as she hugged a pillow to her and cried. She didn't even fully understand why she was crying but she'd been doing so for the last twenty minutes.

She'd managed to pin down that she was angry at herself for kissing Derek. She was angry at herself for actually expecting something from him. She was angry at Derek for kissing her. She was angry at him for being an ass. She was angry that she even cared about any of it at all and mostly she was angry that she couldn't stop caring. There were other things and other emotions floating around as well but she couldn't pin them down and she wanted to focus on the solid, tangible worries.

But instead she just cried. She was so absorbed in trying to cry out the hurt that she didn't even notice Derek slip into her room until she felt the bed shift with his weight.

Her head snapped up to look at the intruder. "Get out, Derek."

"Casey," he began, ignoring her order. "I don't know if you know this, but I don't deal well with feelings."

"I don't care," she lied. "Get out."

"And I don't know why…you know, it happened but it happened and I guess we should deal with it."

"Really?" She stopped crying and perked up, just a little.

"Yeah," he agreed reluctantly.

"I don't like you," she told him, jus to be safe.

"Well, I don't like you," he agreed.

"I didn't mind the kissing…much."

"Yeah, same I guess."

"We don't have to like, date or anything publically, right?" asked Casey uneasily.

"God, like I want admit to this?" he exclaimed, indicating the two of them.

"Good," she exhaled, immediately relieved. She couldn't imagine the shame of admitting to dating the very person she'd publically denounced on more than one occasion.

"Good." His reservations were very similar to hers. But despite that, Derek looked at her and instinctively reached out to wipe away the leftover tears from the corner of her eye before pulling back and sitting on his hand to keep it still.

"Okay, so I guess that means…" she trailed off, unable to find the right words. Luckily, they didn't seem to need a term to call it.

"Yeah…I guess we are."

"Uhh...so do we like, shake on it?"

"Case," Derek raised an eyebrow at her before leaning in closer. "I'm sure we can come up with a more creative way to seal the deal, don't you?"

"Oh that's right," she whispered just as he lowered his lips onto hers. Oddly, Casey realized that maybe they liked kissing each other because it was one of the few times their mouths were too occupied to argue. But as she relished in the feel of his lips against hers and his arms wrapped around her, she realized that she could live with it.

--

_So I hope you enjoyed "Coming To Terms." It was a lot of fun to write and bickering Derek and Casey is how I always picture them. Plese review and let me know what you thought!_


	3. Chapter 3: Silence In Blue

_Author's Note: This is just a short scene from Derek's perspective as he suddenly sees Casey in a new light. Enjoy and please review!_

**Disclaimer:** I could only wish they were mine.

**Silence In Blue**

A few moments ago, Derek could only sit in disgust as he took note that everything in the theater was blue. The midnight blue wall coverings matched the equally midnight blue velvet curtains hiding the the contents of the stage. Furthermore, the pamphlets that had been passed about were a lighter shade of blue, as were the lights he noticed the tech guys were tweaking for the show and lastly so was his mood. He'd been dragged forcibly against his will to the show as punishment for dinging the car. Not only had he had to give up several dates, he was now being subjected to dance.

But now, despite the blue costumes of the background dancers, and the eerily mix of fog and pale blue lights, Derek sat mesmerized by the starring lithe, twirling, prancing figure on the stage. Never in a million years would he admit he was enjoying having been dragged to one of Casey's dance recitals but, watching her move across the stage, he had to admit that he was.

It was different from watching her practice at home; usually because she was whining and complaining and just plain annoying him. But on the stage, in her costume, with the music and the lighting, she looked almost ethereal. He didn't even know that he knew that word but somehow, he thought it seemed fitting. And he couldn't seem to take his eyes off her as she moved, and twisted, and leapt and spun to the music. His eyes took in the curves and planes and contours of her body as her muscles worked and rippled.

He held his breath along with the audience as she did one of her more spectacular moves. And he got a clear look at her face. She looked so alive, so passionate and yet so serene as she danced and Derek knew she had never looked more beautiful. He realized then that he'd never really looked at her before. She was his pain in the butt step-sister. He'd never needed to take notice of her and he hadn't. Until today. And he decided he must have been blind.

When her performance was over, he jumped to his feet to applaud before he could catch himself. She saw him cheering with the family and he noticed her face take on a slightly bemused look before beaming them her unadulterated smile. After the recital, she made her way to them, smile still firmly in place. She took a moment and turned her attention to him, a familiar, predatory glint in her eyes.

"So, you seemed to enjoy yourself today, Derek," she teased. He could tell she was loving the possibility of lording his sudden interest in girly dancing over him. A cutting retort was on the tip of his tongue when she suddenly tilted her head just slightly to the left in anticipation of his reply and he was struck by the full sudden realization of just how blue her eyes were. He decided he suddenly didn't trust any words that would come out of his mouth at that particular moment so he remained silent. He continued to remain silent even as he followed his family out of the theater and to their cars, deciding to cast the blame for his condition on those damned blue lights.

_--_

_So that was _Silence In Blue_. I hope you guys liked it. It was short, I know, but it was just a little scene I had in my head. As always, reviews are welcome!_


	4. Chapter 4: Hashing Out The Details

_Author's Note: Hi again! I'm glad you guys are liking this collection. This story was so much fun to write. It's sort of a sequel to "Coming To Terms," the second story in this collection but I think it stands alone just fine if you haven't read the other one and don't want to. I hope you like it!_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Life With Derek but I do own an LSAT study book since once upon a time I was planning to take the test...not that that counts for anything...

**Hashing Out The Details**

Derek and Casey sat facing each other on opposite sides of the dinner table. Lizzie and Edwin sat besides their respective older siblings, ready to offer support, representation and more importantly, keep them in their seats and unable to kill each other during the course of negotiations.

Derek glared silently at Casey, his expression clearly letting her know that he'd rather be anywhere but here. Casey's own silent but murderous expression let Derek know, in no uncertain terms, the hell that would be brought down upon him should he even consider budging from his seat before this meeting had concluded.

The air positively sizzled with the fractious tension emanating from the two eldest. Lizzie sat uncomfortably at the edge of her seat, ready to restrain Casey at a moment's notice since Casey looked ready to strike should Derek so much as sneeze. She realized, with a sigh, that she'd be much better able to handle the job if she hadn't had to wear the ridiculous suit she had on; complete with heels, her hair in a bun, and fake glasses. But Casey had insisted and now she simply had to deal with it. She chanced a glance at Derek, in case he looked like he really was contemplating sneezing; in which case she'd simply have to act quickly and compensate for the suit and heels slowing her down. To anyone who didn't know him well, he looked like a guy who simply couldn't have cared less about what was going around him. But Lizzie knew better. He was staring at Casey so intently that Lizzie would be hard pressed to point out a moment where he'd blinked.

Edwin decided it was time to get on with the show. If he was lucky, he'd not only live through this but he'd also be done in time to catch a rerun of his favorite show. He straightened his tie and adjusted his suit jacket as he cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. He nodded to signal Lizzie that she could begin typing the minutes of the meeting in her laptop. He clicked around on his own laptop to pull up the right document and begin speaking.

"We're calling this meeting to order. Today we're here to discuss the terms of the relationship between one, Derek Venturi, and one, Casey MacDonald." Casey immediately leaned over and whispered something to Lizzie.

"My client has issues with the term 'relationship,'" Lizzie spoke up.

"Because your client has issues with everything," Derek snorted out. Casey let out a gasp of anger and quickly leaned over to whisper something else to Lizzie.

"My client would like to state for the record that you are a pig," she conveyed for Casey. Derek leaned forward and threw Casey an exasperated look.

"Seriously, Casey? That's how you want to deal with this?" But Casey simply crossed her arms and turned her head away from him.

"Fine," Derek ground out and leaned over to whisper to Edwin his own message.

"My client says that since we're stating things for the record, he would like to add, for the record, that Casey is an annoying, prissy Princess," Edwin intoned. Lizzie looked up from the computer screen.

"I am not typing that about my sister," she told them indignantly.

"You were fine with typing that my brother was a pig," Edwin reminded her.

"Because he is a pig," she insisted.

"And Casey isn't a princess?" At Derek's insistent coughing, he quickly amended. "Prissy Princess."

Lizzie's eyes narrowed at her stepbrother turned best-friend but she returned to typing and Casey leaned in to whisper her next argument.

"My client has decided to concede to the term 'relationship' if she may add a disclaimer defining said term."

Derek stood and took a few steps away from the table and Edwin followed him. After a few moments in discreet conference, they returned to the table so Ed could announce what they'd decided.

"We agree to hear out your proposed disclaimer but reserve the right to discuss and amend any and all terms before agreeing to them," he said magnanimously.

"Good, we're fine with that. My client would like to add the following parameters." She adjusted her fake glasses and took a list that Casey had just finished writing. "Number 1, though the relationship will be carried out in relative secrecy, it will maintain all the aspects of a legitimate, publicly known relationship such as fidelity, milestone and holiday commemoration, and shows of genuine affection. Number 2, when out in public together, each party will show a minimum level of respect for the other in regards to interactions with the opposite sex. Number 3, when attending public functions where it is customary to bring a companion of the opposite sex, out of respect of the relationship, each party is to attend solo. And lastly, number 4, when one or both parties finally regain complete control of their facilities, they will mutually agree to the termination and dissolution of said relationship in a mature and respectful manner. Should it be only one party who comes to their senses, the party who regains their facilities will treat the other, still afflicted party, with respect and kindness."

Lizzie finished reading and waited with Casey for a response. For a long minute Derek simply remained silent with his brows knitted close together. Finally, he slowly turned towards Edwin and simply said, "Huh?"

"Number 1, it's a secret relationship but it's a real relationship so no cheating, you celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and major holidays together, and aside from making out, every once in a while, when you're alone, you hold her hand or give her a hug or kiss her cheek. Number 2, no scamming on babes in front of her. Number 3, you go to parties and dances solo. Number 4, when one or both you finally get over the madness, you'll break up on good terms and do it nicely," Edwin clarified for his client.

"Oh," Derek said. "Why didn't she just say that?"

"So you agree to our terms?" Lizzie asked. Derek pulled Edwin away for another conference. They were gone longer than last time so Casey looked over at Lizzie and gave her a questioning look. Lizzie tried but couldn't seem to make out they were saying so she simply gave her sister an apologetic shrug. Several minutes later, Derek and Edwin returned to the table.

"For item number 1, my client agrees with the condition that gifts not be required for milestones and holiday commemoration." Lizzie turned to Casey who quickly grabbed her and dragged her away from the table for their own conference.

As they waited for the girls to return, Edwin turned to Derek. "Yeah, Bro, I told you I didn't think you'd be able to squeeze that one in."

"Shut up, Ed," he growled in return as the girls made their way back to their seats.

"My client is willing to do away with gift requirements for minor milestones on the condition that gifts be required for Valentine's Day and annual anniversaries, should the relationship last that long. Furthermore, since it has already become custom for both parties to exchange birthday and Christmas gifts, my client would simply like to continue that tradition with the understanding that your client is no longer allowed to pick up my client's gifts from drug stores, gas stations, thrift stores, donation piles, clearance aisles, the streets, the school, or his place of employment. He is also no longer allowed to give my client recycled gifts or anything like the Popsicle stick paper weight she received last Christmas. In addition, gifts are to actually be purchased, not stolen or 'borrowed.' To make things easier for your client, we have compiled a list of acceptable shopping venues and examples of appropriate gifts." Lizzie handed over the list to Edwin who handed it to Derek. They whispered amongst themselves for a minute before Edwin announced their decision.

"We accept on the condition that my client not receive any hand made gifts such as knitted scarves or sweaters or anything embroidered. Furthermore, my client is not to receive embarrassing gifts such as matching shirts, sweaters, hats, gloves, etc." Edwin paused to allow the full weight of the announcement to sink in. He noted that Casey's expression looked slightly crestfallen. He continued. "There will be nothing pink or purple or decorated in glitter or hearts or sparkles or sequins. My client will provide a more detailed list at a later time."

Lizzie leaned towards Casey to discuss the new condition and eventually Casey simply nodded. Edwin saw that she did so with a small pout on her face and he had to wonder what kind of crazy pink, sequined matching sweaters she had envisioned herself wearing with Derek around the house.

"We accept," Lizzie stated and added the notes to the documented minutes.

"On count number 2, my client feels that it is most unfair to require him to stop dating other women AND deny him the pleasure of some harmless flirting," Edwin orated, nodding sympathetically towards Derek. Casey narrowed her eyes and leaned in to whisper furiously to Lizzie.

"My client would like to reiterate the pig observation from earlier and point out that turnabout is fair play. If your client is allowed to 'scam' on other girls, then my client is likewise allowed to 'scam' on other guys. My client would also like noted that she is very much looking forward to flirting with a certain former boyfriend named Max." And just as Derek and Edwin had thought the worst possible scenario had been presented, Lizzie went in for the kill. "My client also thought it would only be fair to add that Sam has been looking very cute lately. A flirtation with him might help her cure herself of this affliction sooner."

Derek leapt out of his seat and dragged Edwin out of his own so quickly that Ed barely had time to get to his feet. Lizzie watched on with a mixture of amusement and pity for her best-friend as Derek whispered quite furiously at him. A few minutes in, Edwin walked over to the table and addressed Casey.

"Hey, there wouldn't be any possibility of you rescinding the fair play part? Like you allowing Derek to flirt and you not flirting and in return I pay you like a hundred bucks?"

Casey glared at him.

"Two hundred?"

Casey's glare turned murderous. Edwin visibly recoiled and turned to head back to Derek. He made it a few steps before turning back to give it another shot.

"How about if I –" He was cut off by Casey suddenly standing up and Lizzie leaping to her feet to restrain her.

"Never mind," he squeaked out hastily and hurried back to Derek.

* * *

A few more minutes later, Derek and Edwin returned to their seats across from Casey and Lizzie.

"After much deliberation, my client has decided to accede to your demand on the condition that it is clearly defined that neither my client nor yours be allowed to flirt with the opposite sex. In keeping with fairness, of course."

"Of course," Lizzie replied magnanimously. It wasn't lost on Edwin that she very subtly shared a knowing look and a secret victorious grin with Casey. But Ed couldn't fault them. He had to give credit where credit was due and Casey and Lizzie were running this negotiation very well.

"As for condition number 3, my client agrees to attending parties and dances solo on the condition that your client meet up with my client no less than a minimum of 2 times during each event for no less than 10 minutes per encounter to engage in 'relationship' activities in secret," Edwin announced, turning an odd shade of pink as he finished reciting the condition.

"Eww, Edwin!" Lizzie yelped. "That is just gross. You cannot possibly expect my sister to –" Lizzie was interrupted as Casey leaned in to whisper something in her ear.

"Accept!?" Lizzie couldn't keep the shock and surprise out of her voice. "Casey, no. You can't be serious. Casey?"

She turned to look at her sister but Casey was determinedly keeping her gaze focused on the wall away from Lizzie and her ears had taken on a tint quite similar to Edwin's.

"I…uh, umm I guess we accept," Lizzie stammered out, glaring a little at Derek. Her eyes were accusing him of tainting her perfect older sister but he simply looking quite pleased with himself.

"Okay," Edwin said uneasily, still hoping to hurry this along. "As for condition number 4, my client has no objections but he would like clarification on what constitutes as ending the relationship in a 'mature and respectful manner,' i.e. 'nicely.'"

"We mean no teasing, mocking, bullying, belittling or any other hurtful behavior. No blackmailing, no threats, no constant rehashing of details or events from the relationship in future fights or arguments. No break-ups via texts, voicemails, e-mails, phones, or any other third party method. You break up face to face in a calm, rational matter. No sudden cold-shoulders or letting them hear it from the rumor mill or simply catching you cheating. No picking fights so they'll dump you first. No pouncing on them off guard. When the time comes, let them know you need to talk about the relationship and arrange for time to talk it out. And there is to be a respectful mourning period after the break up before parading a new significant other in their face. Two weeks minimum," Lizzie said, reading from the outline Casey had provided for her.

Edwin had a brief powwow with Derek before announcing that they accepted.

"Good, now we can just briefly go over the rest of the details and get on with our lives."

"Fine," Lizzie quickly agreed.

Edwin cleared his throat and pulled up another document on his laptop. "My client's demands are pretty simple. No clinginess. A guy needs his space. No bugging him during major sporting events and a calendar will be provided for you with dates blacked out and memos will be sent in the event games are pushed back, rescheduled or rematches made. No forcing him to go with you on girly shopping trips for girly things. No PDAs as this is meant to be kept secret. Do not pressure him to suddenly talk about feelings everyday. No cutesy pet names. No baby talk. No forcing him to attend things like the ballet. My client is prepared to try and find activities you both enjoy and can do together but do not expect to be attached at the hip."

Lizzie conferred briefly with Casey.

"My client is prepared to accept those parameters if your client can live with hers. My client requests there be no pressure in furthering the physical aspects of the relationship beyond my client's comfort level. My client must hold an equally important place in your client's life. She will not simply be someone he can make out with and then forgotten when convenient. No more pranks. No cracking mean and hurtful jokes about her hobbies and interests. No caveman possessiveness. No interrupting her when she's working or studying. A calendar with major study days, tests, and major project due dates marked will be provided as well. Memos updating changes and upcoming milestones and holidays will also be provided. No complaining about attending opening night performances for drama club or major dance recitals for moral support. An honest compliment from time to time is also required as they will also be provided for your client."

Lizzie had noticed Derek wince at the 'no pranks' clause and look positively pained at the part of him attending Casey's plays and dance recitals so she was quite surprised when Edwin announced that they had accepted the terms.

They quickly went through the last few details such as agreeing on at least one official date per week, (which they then had to define "official date" from a "non official"), acceptable secret couple behavior in public, accept secret couple behavior in semi-public, boyfriend duties, girlfriend duties, mutually agreed upon lies and cover stories, the number of lunches they had to have together during the week at school, the days they had to hang out with friends, they days had to hang out with each other, etc. Lizzie shuddered at the thought that this was simply them becoming a couple. She was terrified of what would happen if they broke up. She took a moment and sent a prayer heavenward that they never broke up and instead got married and lived happily ever after. But then she realized that if they got married, chances were she'd have to help Casey negotiate a prenuptial agreement. It was a lose-lose situation and Lizzie suddenly had visions of herself and Ed being forcibly sent to law school. She shook her head to clear it of the thought. No, the powers that be would simply have to strike her down dead before any of it happened.

She quickly added in the last batch of terms to the minutes and forwarded it by e-mail to Edwin. Edwin quickly read through it again to make sure everything was just right before transferring it all into the contracts he had drawn up and printed them out to be signed and stamped. He gave both Derek and Casey signed copies as well as keeping one each for himself and Lizzie. They all shook on the deal and brought the meeting to an end. Casey and Derek, hand in hand, each holding on to their copy of the contracts, took off together upstairs.

Lizzie looked over at Edwin as he shut down his laptop.

"What?" he asked, when he noticed her staring.

"I can't believe we just went through that," she told him honestly.

"Tell me about it. I've already taken the liberty of starting to look into law schools for the both of us," he announced as he opened his brief case and began pulling out brochures on various law schools. "Here, take a look. I hear this one has an excellent soccer team."

Lizzie was about to protest when the music and soft sounds of whispering and giggles coming from upstairs were suddenly interrupted by a loud, sharp and distinctive cry of "DER-EK!"

Letting out a long suffering sigh, Lizzie reluctantly took the brochure Edwin had been offering her and with a sad and dejected look asked him, "Law schools in America require an LSAT score, right?"

--

_So that's the end of "Hashing Out The Details." Was it funny? Cuz in my head, it was pretty funny...LoL Poor Lizzie and Ed, always forced to do whatever Casey and Derek want. Anyway, please review and let me know what you think. Was it good? Was it not good? I like hearing what you guys have to say. Oh and if you haven't read any of my other fics, please do. I'm currently actively working on "That Summer" and should have a new chapter out soon._

_- SugarRune _


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